I Can't Go To College

I can’t go to college.
I can’t go to college, because I can’t afford it.
I can’t afford it, because I am not good enough for any scholarships.
I am not good enough for any scholarships, because nobody believes in me.
Nobody believes in me, because I want to major in English.
I want to major in English, because that is what drives me.
That is what drives me, because there is so much to learn.
There is so much to learn, because I know so little.
I know so little, because I can’t go to college.
I can’t go to college.

Due to His Station

Thus began the end of the world, a single tear was shed by a single girl in hopes of regaining her lost love. A single tear was shed by a single girl; who was the daughter of a king.

This daughter was loved by many and admired by all, but only one man held her heart within his hands. This man, the one who caught her eye and now holds her heart, was the son of a carpenter. As he held her heart, and beheld that it was such a fragile and breakable thing, he gave her his heart in return. He then placed her heart in the hole in his chest, the hole created when he gifted her his heart, and he covered it with bones and muscles to protect that fragile and breakable item. She did likewise and his heart warmed her and their bond was forged of a steel that could not be broken. As her blood flowed through her veins and his though hers it became impossible to hide, which they must due to his station in life.

As their bond became more apparent the daughter's mother, meaning the queen, became increasingly distraught. The mother, being the queen, began to plot; and as she was a very wise and cunning woman she soon devised a plan. Having much control over the country through the love her husband, being the king, had for her she soon put her plan into action. She, being the queen, began a war and sent the man, the man who held the daughters heart, away to battle. When the daughter discovered this treachery she began to weep. When the king found his daughter weeping he became enraged and set out to find this man, the one who held her heart.

And thus began the end of the world, a single tear was shed by a single girl due to the treachery of the queen.

For Never and Always

always second to last
always a last resort

never the first option
never your first thought

always the first forgotten
always the one left behind

never your first call
never near enough to matter

always a liar
always unworthy

never allowed to think
never important

always hit down
always yelled at

never loved
never noticed

always the same

never again

Alone

I can feel myself retreating
I can feel my heart withdrawing
I know my soul is giving up
I can sense the tears aproaching
I hear the scolding comming
I crave the numbness as it comes nearer
I remember the times I was alone
I remember the pain
I crave the safty
When you’re alone nobody can hurt you
When you’re alone nobody can fix you
When you’re alone nobody cares
When you’re alone nobody notices
When you’re alone you don’t matter
When you’re alone you’re safe
I wait to be alone
I aim to be alone
I let the tears fall
I lock my gates and raise the drawbridge
This time I will remain alone

For Never and Always

always second to last
always a last resort

never the first option
never your first thought

always the first forgotten
always the one left behind

never your first call
never near enough to matter

always a liar
always unworthy

never allowed to think
never important

always hit down
always yelled at

never loved
never noticed

always the same

never again

17 Years

I am 17 years old and I have raised two children

 and mourned the loss of another.

I am 17 years old and I am only interested in a

relationship that will end in marriage.

I am 17 years old and I feel too old

to drink, smoke, or party.

I am 17 years old and I can cook a three

course meal for eight people.

I am 17 years old and I can balance a checkbook

and live within a budget.

I am 17 years old and I know what it is like

to go without so others may be full.

I am 17 years old and I know how to run

a household and multitask.

I am 17 years old and I have no hope

 for the future of our nation.

I am 17 years old and I was forced

 to grow up too quickly.

I am 17 years old and

I am of the broken generation.

Haunted

I am haunted by ghosts

ghosts of things
ghosts of words
ghosts of hurts
ghosts of those I once loved
ghosts of those I still do

they come at me
each one squawking
vying for my attention

ghosts of those I have hurt
ghosts of those I couldn't help
ghosts of those who hurt me
ghosts of those I lost

they whisper to me at night
they visit me in my dreams
they hold me in their unrelenting grasp

ghosts of those who lied
ghosts of those who promised
ghosts of those who whispered
ghosts of those who giggled

I am haunted by ghosts

I hope You know

I hope you know I hurt
I hope you know I died
I hope you know I cried
I hope you know I scream
I hope you know I tried
I hope you know it's all your fault

I hope you know I'll live
I hope you know I'm strong
I hope you know I'm getter better
I hope you know I'll move on
I hope you know I'm happy
I hope you know it's not due to you

I hope you know I hate you
I hope you know I love you
I hope you know I see you
I hope you know I miss you
I hope you know I want you
I hope you know it's because of you

I hope you know I am all alone

I hope you know I am better than this

I am...

I am just another broken teen.
I am just another face in the crowd.
I am just another name on a list.
I am nothing.
For nobody loves me.

The Words

i can’t ever quite catch them

i can’t keep them in my hands

i must use them once i have them

i steal them from the barbers

i trade for them with the bakers

i borrow them from the candlestick makers

i take them from your dreams

i find them in your soul

i see them in the beauty

i hear them in the silence

i buy them from the penniless

i remove them from the rich

i give them to the witless

i save them for the sorrowed

with them i weave life

with them i defy death

no more than a slave to their wishes

eternally bound to their will

Chapter in My Story

We were close We almost had it
We were everything to each other
Until it all fell apart

We lost it all
We lost the love
We lost the hope
We lost the joy

I lost the boy
Who meant the world to me
I lost the one
Who made me happy
I lost the man
Who held my heart

I have to move on
I have to be strong
I can't let this stop me
I can't let this win

So even though
We were close
Even though
We almost had it all

It's time to say goodbye
It's time to part our ways

You were a chapter in my story
This is not the end of my book
I will be more than this

Things

Smile

Cry

Hope

Love

Believe

Imagine

Create

Write

Destroy

Scream

Yell

Sob

Moan

Laugh

Hide

Blush

Giggle

Disappear

Pretend

Whisper

All things you gave me

All things you took away

I miss you

Dear Boy Across The Room,

Blow your nose good sir

My goodness you're disgusting

There is the door handle this in private

Remove the snot from your nose

Keep your finger out of your nostril

My goodness you're disgusting

Take the tissue I am offering

Find some manners in your soul

Remove the finger from your mouth

My goodness you're disgusting

Do you know where that finger has been

Please at least try to act your age

Stop that huffing and puffing

My goodness you're disgusting

They can hear you breathing in China

Attempt to be a gentleman

Don't scratch your tongue with your hand

Pull up your pants and buy a belt

Wash your hair on a more regular basis

I can't look you in the eye

I can't bare to have you near

I can't listen to you sniffle any longer

You may think that your amazing

but

My Goodness You're Disgusting

Be Not Afraid

Stand tall, Stand strong

Steadfast and Immovable

For you are not alone

You are a daughter of a King

Never to be left unguarded

Never to have to stand on your own

So stand as an example of the believers

In all you say and do

And as you stand He will stand with you

For you are not alone

You are a daughter of a King

Never to be left unguarded

Never to have to stand on your own

So be not afraid little princess

For He is always with you

He will stand at your side

As you stand for truth and right

He will shoulder your burden

When it seems to much to bear

So be not afraid little princess

Hold your head up high

You are a daughter of a King

Never to be left unguarded

Never to have to stand alone

The Moment

It all came down to that moment

All that time, all those promises

Every sweet word, every almost kiss

Every time you held my hand

Every time you said I love you

It all came down to that moment

One moment where it came down to you

All you had to do was choose

A simple little choice, not too hard

Choose the loving trust you had

Choose the unknown risk you didn't

I trusted you, you said you loved me

You promised me you would never hurt me

I gave you my heart, you said you wouldn't lose it

It still came down to that moment

One moment where you chose the unknown

You broke every promise you ever made

Went back on everything you ever said

You tossed my heart on the ground

Threw my love back into my face

With one moment my world came crashing down

We, depended upon that moment

The moment you chose her

your turn now

take some time

step back from the world

try to remember

remember how it once was

when it wasn't a fight to talk

when there wasn't always something in the way

i would love to say we can have it back

but it is much to late for that

i learned how to be me

all on my own

i learned how to stand

when you aren't around

i didn't run to you when i cried

no matter how much i felt the need

i found my own strength 

discovered how much i can do alone

so its your turn now

i can't hold your hand

you must learn who you are

you must stand all alone

you must find your strenght

learn what you can do on your own

but remember how it once was

try to remember

step back from the world

take some time

You

I wake up and you text me

we talk about you

I get on the bus and you text me

we talk about you

I am in class and you text me

we talk about you

I have free time and you text me

we talk about you

I try to do homework and you text me

we talk about you

I try to watch television and you text me

we talk about you

I try to sleep and you text me

we talk about you

I try to change the subject

we talk about you

I try to say goodbye

we talk about you

You start nasty rumors about me

we talk about you

You tell lies about things I do

we talk about you

I say I can't do this anymore

we talk about you

I ingore you for weeks

you talk about you

Your friends all avoid you

you talk about you

Then one day

 it all comes crashing down

You come to me

with tears in your eyes

You ask me to fix it all

You say you don't know

what went wrong

I stand

I watch

I open my mouth

and

you talk about you

I walk away

I don't look back

You scream

You ask me what you did wrong

I pause and say

"You talk about you"

I walk away

I don't look back

I gave you everything I had

but

all you wanted was

to talk about you

Color of My Eyes

i say i want one day
one day to feel beautiful
one day to feel loved
you say you love my eyes
you say they are a beautiful blue
which would be sweet if you even knew
if you knew how much it hurts
if you knew how hard i cry
but thats the whole problem
you dont know nobody does
because how am i to trust you
when you only want to talk about you
i tell you my fears
i mention my worries
and we talk about your home life
so i find a new friend
i try to talk to her
i tell her how i hate my life
and she tells me to eat pie
so i have faith in human kind
and i try one more time
he never answers
and this one hurts the most
because back when it was bad
the time before this
he was the one who saved me
the one who rescued me from myself
but now he doesnt care
and it can only make me wonder
if the one who cared when noone else did
doesnt care anymore
then why should anyone else
heck why should i
my eyes are hazel and you didnt know that
all i asked for was one day
you couldnt even give me that

Two Steps

I took two steps

Two steps towards the sun

Two steps towards my future

Two step before I begin to run

Two steps and I'm running

Two steps and I'm free

Two steps away from bondage

Two steps and you fall behind

Two steps and you pass from my mind

Two steps and there's no more horror

Two steps and there's no more pain

Two steps and I write my story

Two steps and I choose my fate

Two steps and I'm finally alone

I took two steps

It's Too Bright In Here

It's too bright in here
can't you dim the lights
can't you turn them down just a little
I can't bear what they make me see
can't stand to see the horrors
can't stand to see the fears
I don't want to see the blood
as it stains my hands red
I don't want to see the tears
as they drip from others faces
I can't see my sins
layed out bare before the Lord
It's too bright in here
can't you dim the lights